I was raised in a home where my parents marriage was never in jeopardy. They never fought or even argued. There were certainly disagreements but they were never worked out in front of me or my sister. A wonderful peaceful place to grow up. But this skewed reality for me. The norm is messy relationships. Hurting people in a world of sin and hopelessness. I never knew that went on. I occasionally heard about a marriage ending in divorce and the response was usually the same; we would shake our heads in disbelief and wonder how it could happen.
I’m not advocating rolling in the mud to know what filth feels like! But I wonder how I would approach life now had I interacted with people who were hurting and even struggling with sin. Now I find myself surrounded, and I mean on all sides, with marriages that are crumbling. Couples who claim Christ as Saviour and with many years together as husband and wife. I shake my head in disbelief like before but this time I’m engaged in the conflict, walking with these people through the storm and honestly it rocks my world.
So many thoughts flood my mind throughout the day. Questions flow like a raging river, invading every part of my human understanding and I know it’s beyond my abilities to reason through. It’s a constant struggle not to turn inward for safety like a snail or turtle inside their shell. All the years of living in a bubble with my head in the sand, completely unaware of reality makes that desire to retreat even stronger. An instinct of self preservation kicks in and wants to build walls. I even blame it on my desire to avoid conflict which is really and excuse to not engage; a cleaver mask for isolation.
But that is clearly NOT the call of Jesus nor is it what he lived out. In fact he moved towards people. Multiple times in the gospels it says “he looked on the multitudes and was moved with compassion”. And I think, if it’s difficult for me how hard was it for him? His creation rejected him and yet he still has compassion on them. The people he came to save slaughtered him like an animal. His own disciples failed him, questioned him, even denied him.
My struggle is not my sheltered upbringing or lack of exposure to sin and pain but a lack of exposure to the Saviour. My problem is not that I don’t have compassion and love for people, it’s I’m actually lacking love for God. “We love because he first loved us. Whoever loves God must also love his brother.” 1 John 4:19, 21b
The reality is if we are going to live on mission we are going to struggle and even though the desire for self preservation may be strong, it must be rejected. Love must win. It has to win. Ultimately it will win when this life here is over. But we are commanded to go, to move towards, not run from.
May God grant us the strength to run and not be weary, to walk and not faint, to complete the race even if we cross the line crawling on our knee’s!
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